Ep 10 - Field Trip : What is your favorite memory with your loved one?

In Ep 10, we are going on our field trip to the Alzheimer's and dementia show in London, where we hosted a booth to share how Beyondhood’s Record Your Life story service can help leave a lasting legacy for the family and older adults with Alzheimer's before it is too late. 

We asked the question: ‘’ What is your favourite memory of your parents or grandparents and how does it make you feel to talk and record these memories of them’’ to around 60 attendees and selected 20 to create this episode.  

From carers to patients, from London to Malawi, from 1920 to 2019, from 3 mins stories to 30s moments, join us in experiencing the power of stories and what is it like to record your stories with Beyondhood!

Transcript

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Hello, Beyondhood listeners.

This week for our episode 10, we're going on a field trip to the Alzheimer's and Dementia show in London, where we hosted a booth to share how Beyondhood's record Your Life story service can help to live a lasting legacy for the family and older adults with Alzheimer's before it is too late.

For those of you who may not be familiar with Dementia and the Alzheimer's disease, here is a simple definition and overview.

But for more information, please do go to Alzheimer's Association, which you can find out about more.

Dementia describe a group of symptoms associated with a decline in memory, reasoning, or other thinking skills.

There are many different types of dementia exists, and many conditions caused it.

Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia, accounting for 60 to 80% of dementia cases.

Dementia is not a normal part of aging.

It is caused by damage to brain cells that affect their ability to communicate, which can affect thinking, behavior, and feelings.

We asked the question, what is your favorite memory of your parents or grandparents?

And how does it make you feel to talk and record this story of them?

To around 60 attendees, and we selected 20 of them to create this episode.

Some are cares for people who have Alzheimer's.

Some are older adults who have Alzheimer's themselves.

And some are people who have lost a loved one to Alzheimer's.

You will find various ranges of stories.

Some people are natural speakers and love to share longer stories, while others like to talk about one particular moment.

No matter how long the story is, the power of stories comes from the emotional connection between the speaker and the main character in the story.

You will hear stories all over the world, from London Island, Canada, Hong Kong, to Jamaica.

No matter where are we from in the world, stories have the power to connect us as human beings, to get back to the essence of being a human, which is able to connect with one and other, and have love for one another.

I purposely removed the identity of the speakers, because not knowing who they are, you can then truly feel the power of the story.

You can feel the love, the longing, the missing, the joy and the sadness through their storytelling voice.

This was a very emotional and fun experience for Beyondhood and the interviewers.

We want to share with you the firsthand experience of what is it like to record your life story with Beyondhood.

Let's us dive into this stories.

My favorite memory of my time with my father, recently he came over and spent a few weeks with me in London.

And he's always wanted to live in London.

For me, like having a time, having time to spend with my father was like something which I really enjoyed.

Because I was a working man at the moment.

And like to be honest with you, I don't think my father ever knew me as a working man because he's only seen me as a student.

So for him to see me as a working individual, as a man in his eyes, it was a really proud moment for me personally.

And to see that pride in his eyes gives me a lot of pride, gives me a lot of happiness.

And especially, I would go on runs with him, and he would be so happy.

Wow, my son, my...

And we're immigrants, so my son migrates in here, is studying here, has worked here, he's earning his keep, become a man now.

So yeah, that's probably my favorite moment, seeing my father, like seeing the pride in his eyes.

What was your favorite memory of your parents growing up?

My favorite memory, I think they are both very wholly family-orientated.

I had six kids, of which I'm the eldest, so...

But they always instilled this value, the biggest value of love, you know, even if you had done something that you shouldn't have done, there was still that overriding, okay, draw a line under it, let's move on, you know?

They just had...

And they worked so hard.

I think that's it.

They just worked so hard for their family to be able to have, not talking about material things, but to, in order to them to have, you know, sort of parents together.

My mother didn't work when we were children.

They worked really hard to support six children and his wife and a dog.

And they just put their family before anything else, really.

And although it looked like he was working really hard all the time, it was so that he could ensure everyone was fed and watered and closed and roof over their head.

And so much stress.

And many a time my mum would be on her own with six children and the dog, because my father was in the Royal Air Force, so it would be a way on different things.

And she just, you know, it's just as a child, you don't realize how much hard work and effort goes into making a happy home.

Yeah, you know, because it was always, you know, Christmas times, birthday times, they always made it extra special time because obviously they would both, my dad wouldn't be working.

And so there was always such fun and joy and things like that.

But in order to create that, they had to obviously put their struggles and their hardships away.

And I think that's just amazing really to, you know, that you can allow your family not to see how much struggle is involved in ordinary life, you know, washing, cooking, shopping, you know.

So because I just have very pleasant memories of my childhood.

We were allowed to get on and just be and be creative and play.

And they always provided us with something.

My mum would encourage us to write poetry, or my dad would, if I had an idea about doing a play, he would provide some props or what about this or what.

They always engaged.

I can see in your character.

I know.

So, yeah.

Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you.

And how does it make you feel?

I think, loved.

And then, of course, what's happened is I have three children.

So, I've instilled that kind of philosophy that they passed on to me with my children.

And it's not about material possessions.

It's about creating environments where everyone's together having fun and joy.

Alison's story is a story of family legacy.

You learn something from your parent, and that consciously or subconsciously will have an imprint on you.

And then you pass it on to your children.

My favorite memory of my father, I think, was when he took me to a women's championship golf tournament when I was about, I must have been about 15.

And I loved the way he recognized women as, you know, something that you would want to go see in sports.

That's something that's been a long struggle for women.

But this was a long time ago.

I mean, this is in the 80s.

He was an early advocate of women in sports.

And even in his last days, he died in 2019.

He told me he loved watching women's football and women's basketball better than men at that time, because they played the way he remembered playing and the games were more interesting.

I guess for the males, they were all like seven feet tall.

And so it became a different kind of a game.

So thank you for sharing.

How does it make you feel to retell that story?

It makes me remember him very clearly, and it makes me feel warm.

You know, he's not around anymore.

And just a sense of love.

I remember as a kid going with my mom and dad to vancouver, where they grew up, and now to a little town called Crescent Beach, where my mom's family had a cabin, and we used to go down there and play on the beach and run and jump and fish.

We spent just hours and hours and hours outside, having so much fun, just outside of vancouver.

How does it make you feel?

You know, it triggers positive memories for me.

I remember fishing with my dad, and he was a terrible fisherman, and doing running races.

It was just such a wonderful community.

Thank you for sharing.

What was your favorite memory of this?

What was memorable?

Lots of them.

Lots of good memories.

They used to take me up to Smithfield Market when I was young.

It was like a meat market, and we used to go and buy lunch and meat and stuff.

It used to take me out to work with him on a Saturday.

We used to go up the allotment as well, and help him do bits and pieces.

A lot of memories.

A lot of memories.

My dad's died four years ago, and he came over to England from Ireland after the war, about 1946, 47.

And he used to often talk about his experiences, what London was like.

It was bombed out, parts of the city, how they've changed, et cetera.

And it's just something I wish that I'd recorded, because he's not here now.

So it would have been nice.

How do you feel to talk about it now?

A bit emotional.

Thank you for sharing with us.

Thank you.

No worries.

So what was one of your favorite memory with you then?

One of my favorite memories probably is when I was a kid, coming home from school and playing on the PlayStation, playing Crash bandicoot and Burnout until literally it was bedtime.

How does it make you feel to talk about it?

I'd say it brings back good memories, good times, sort of before what's happened now.

Thank you.

Katie's dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and she shed the tears after sharing this story because she realized how simple things that we sometimes might have taken for granted.

It's now a bit difficult for her dad due to the disease.

Favorite memory of your dad?

I think my favorite memory of my dad is the fact that it was every day.

It was so regular, and he had a very busy life, a very busy job.

And I think that was something that remained constant throughout our life, him dropping me to school every day.

Yeah, I think that is what I miss about him.

So I'm 28 now, but I still do miss that time when I commute to work.

Yeah.

Dad dropping me to school.

That was cute.

That is cute to me now.

Yeah, I miss that.

How does it make you feel to talk about this memory with him?

I think it feels, it kind of feels a little bit sad, but it's also, I cherish those days, so it's nice to have that in my memory, you know.

Thank you.

My favorite memory with my dad is when we play candle for mid-autumn festival.

Mid-autumn festival is a harvest festival celebrated in Chinese culture.

During the festival, lanterns or candles, which symbolize beacons that light people's path to prosperity and good fortune, are carried and displayed or light up.

Mooncakes, a rich pastry typically filled with sweet bean, egg, yoke, meat, or lotus seed paste, are traditionally eaten during this festival.

We will use to light the candle on the box of the mooncake, and then to celebrate, to look at the moon, and to talk about life.

That's one of my favorite memories with him.

I remember his smile, my smile, and then we will play firework afterward.

What was your favorite memory with your mom?

Just one thing.

My favorite memory of my mom was actually her driving skills, which is a very interesting one, because my dad was a very good driver.

My mom was the opposite.

She was very safe, and she got us to school on time every day, and it was a big part of our day.

And sometimes we had some hairy moments, but yeah, like I said, we got there safe and on time, which is amazing.

But yeah, that's an interesting.

That's a funny one.

What do you feel to talk about the story?

It takes me back a long way to childhood.

It's nice to think of those things, but I don't normally go very often.

Thank you for sharing.

The favorite memory of my mom was her taking me to Maidstone on a bus, on a double-decker bus.

And how does it make you feel to talk about it?

It was lovely because they didn't have a lot of money, so it cost money for us to both go on there.

And yeah, it was just it was nice to spend time with my mom.

Thank you.

In this story, you will hear from Louise and Christina.

They are daughters and mother.

Louise is now taking care of Christina, just like Christina used to do for her when she was a kid.

Christina has Alzheimer's, so it's more difficult for her to share story.

But I want to capture her work to show you the power of even single words.

My name is Louise.

I am a paid family carer for my mom, Tina, Christina, or Christine.

She has three names, depending on who she's talking to.

I'm the UK, all three.

My mom has an Alzheimer's diagnosis, and she lives, we live together.

I've been caring for her for three years.

And over that time, it's brought me a lot closer to her than we have been.

And I have started to think about my childhood and the time I spent at home.

And I remember being kind of not as close to mom as I am now and being a bit sort of unappreciative of her.

And then I started to think, actually, all the times when she really surprised me and did some really sweet...

And I remember I was going on a school trip when I was about 10, and I was staying away from home for the first time.

And I was really anxious and excited about it.

And I remember mom saying, well, would you put together a list of things that you might think you might need?

And I'll look, maybe I can get one or two of things.

And being a 10-year-old, I produced this list of about 80 things I wanted.

And it was all sorts of things from clothes to accessories, to sweets and food that I wanted to take with me, and just everything, you know, bedding and cuddly toys.

And it was just an enormous list.

And I gave it to mom, and I wasn't really expecting anything.

And I remember a few days later, I came back from school, and our dining table was filled with every single thing on the list.

She'd gone around and bought everything, and she didn't have to do that at all, but she just was so kind.

And I remember now being really, as an adult, realizing everything that she'd done.

And she wanted to make it a happy and memorable experience for me.

And I just think, thank you, mom.

That was really, really kind of you.

I hope I said thank you at the time.

I probably just tore into all everything.

I was a selfish 10-year-old.

But now, looking back, I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

How does it make you feel to tell the story?

It's good because sometimes, you know, mom and I have had a difficult relationship.

The older I got, and I was very critical.

And it's lovely to think about a time when we were really, I was really happy.

I was so honored and proud to have her as my mom.

And I felt close to her, and she was showing me her love, and it was really nice.

How does it make you feel to listen to Louise speak about that story of you?

It's good.

She brings back happy memories.

What is your memory with Louise?

What was it like to be with her?

Your favorite part?

It was always very cheerful, wasn't it?

We did have fun together.

It was always pretty good.

Does she like to wake up early?

Thanks.

She did.

I didn't hear her.

What was your favorite memory with your mom, dad, or grandpa, grandma?

My favorite memory with my grandfather was just sitting down in the lawn and having cream crackers.

Of all the biscuits he used to eat cream crackers, they were dry, not sweet, and I had a sweet tooth.

But eating cream crackers with my grandfather was one of the most memorable things.

It tasted delicious.

If someone was to offer me, would you like some scones, or would you like some cream cracker with the grandfather?

I would say cream cracker with my grandfather rather than bones with the cream.

So that much I loved by that time with my grandfather.

So how does it make you feel to talk about that story?

You know, it makes me emotional and loved.

You know, I can feel the love fuzziness just thinking about it.

Oh, thank you.

What is your favorite memory with your grandpa?

My fondest memory of my grandpa was when we used to do trips to Lake Malawi.

For those of you who might not know, just like I did it, Malawi is a country in South Eastern Africa.

It is defined by its enormous Lake Malawi.

And we'd leave the city, and usually our journey was three or four hours.

So we'd talk for a while along the journey, and then the best time was when we'd all stop for lunch.

Maybe we'd go to a restaurant or have a little picnic.

And I remember my grandfather was a photographer, so we always used to take photos.

So he'd always give me tips on what angles I should take the photos and little tricks.

And I just remember it was a good family time.

I understand that your grandpa is no longer with you.

How does it make you feel to talk about your favorite memory with him?

I think it makes me happy that we got to take so many of those trips to the lake because it was an important time.

And he always explained to me about the life he lived and all the things he had done.

And at least now, I have a little bit of understanding of who my granddad was and all the things that he had done in his life.

I think reflecting on my memories with my granddad, definitely Beyondhood would have been a useful tool because there's so much just to hear his voice, just to hear his stories being told by him would be amazing.

Thank you.

What is your favorite memory of your dad, grandpa, or father figure you have?

My grandmother was a very aged lady who lived to about 100, and she was born in 1880 and died in 1980.

And whenever you stepped into her room, and you could enter via the back door, she left the back door open for the neighbors to come in.

But it was like stepping back in time, because there was a collection of her memories all around her, with old black and white photographs, or in the Victorian era.

And she'd been a nurse, so she always had nursing mirror, the magazine somewhere.

But she was a great reader, and she encouraged me to read books.

She had piles of newspapers everywhere, and so she was a newsagent's dream.

And she read all the newspapers, and that kept her mind alive until she passed.

And she also was an active person.

And she always said to me, you must at least walk every day.

If not run, be active, and you must read things every day.

She never had a television, ever.

She listened to the radio, and she said between reading and listening to the radio, my life is full.

I don't have time for a television.

So it was rather like stepping into a different era, because the radio programs she listened to were often like 10 or 20 years out of date.

So it was round the floor, and the Goon show, and things like that.

So it was an interesting thought, an interesting experience, that also, especially so when she talked about her mother and her grandmother, which would take you in history, an oral history, back into the 1800s, which was simply amazing to have that firsthand rather than just reading a book.

Thank you for sharing that story.

How did it make you feel?

So it brought back images, because I'm an image person.

Some people have different modems in their brain, and I'm very much feeling image person.

I love painting, cinema, and things like that.

So it also evoked nice feelings, because she would tell me things which were quite touching and gave you an insight into a particular era, even one that was very trying.

So if we talk about the 1930s, this is when a lot of people were so poor, they went to school with no shoes.

But there was kindness between different people, and people would be rather supportive of one another if they were friends.

So even in something which was quite austere, there could be compassion and humanity.

Thank you.

Main memories I have of my grandparents, they died when I was very young, when I was like around five, six.

But I remember when they were in bed in like late stages of life, I would go pick flowers and leave them next to their bed, and I remember I was just like so excited to see their reaction every time.

They probably were like, you know, very low on energy, but they made a massive effort to like react really positively to it.

That's really stuck with me.

It was so exciting for me to just come and see their reaction to the flowers, even though they were just flowers that I picked from their garden.

But it was very sweet.

How does it make you feel to retell that story?

I feel quite happy.

I feel like it was quite a lovely moment to share.

And also happy that I can remember that even though I was very young, because it made quite an impact for me, and because I don't have many memories with them, so I was quite young.

I think it's good to keep those moments kind of alive.

In this final story, you will hear from Joyce's family.

Her husband, son, and granddaughter came to the exhibition to find more information to support Joyce, who has Alzheimer's.

Vincent, what's your favorite memory or most memorable memory with your wife, Joyce?

When we went to this wedding, we had a good time.

We remembered this day.

Oh, how does it make you feel to re-talk about that story?

Very good.

Thank you for sharing.

What is your favorite memory or most memorable memory of your mom, Joyce?

My most memorable time for my mom is her taking me to the Charlemander a bit or not.

I recall being taken as a young boy to the Charlemander, where we lived in an estate.

She took me upstairs there, and I'd remember her leaving, being a bit upset.

But I'd always obviously remember when she'd come and pick me up.

And how does it make you feel to remember that memory and talk about the story?

It makes me smile.

It makes me one day remember that time of my life.

It's obviously a very young period of my time, but my mom's love.

So if someone could go back.

Thank you for sharing.

When I was younger, I used to stay with my nan quite a lot.

My mom used to work, and we would be in the kitchen, helping her with cooking, cleaning, just spending time with her out in the garden.

So that was a nice, fond memory with my nan.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time with my nan.

Older, I would say, sitting and listening to her stories in the kitchen, and then, you know, you would take the pictures out, and then we would be going through the old times when she was back in Jamaica when she was younger, how things were, her granddad, didn't mean she came over here.

Those memories, it's nice to hear the old stories, because it's almost like you try to visualize, try to visualize how that was for her and transcend, and those are lovely.

Then how does it make you feel talking about her story related to you?

It feels good, because she does talk about the times when I, little mischief things I did when I was younger, and how I was always with her.

I think she would probably say I've out of all of the grandkids, I was the one that was there the most, because I practically lived there, I think, at one point.

So yeah, so she would talk about that, the things that I used to do, things I used to get up to.

Yeah, we just used to spend a lot of time together and have laughs, but it makes me feel good.

Makes me feel good that she has those memories, or she had those memories.

We had those memories together.

Now you listen to all of this story.

What is your favorite memory of your parents, your grandparents, and how does it make you feel to think and then speak out loud about it?

record the story on your phone.

Write it down on your journal.

Tell it to a friend.

However you like it.

Keep the memories alive by recording it.

Share with us.

We might be doing another episode of this from you guys.

Stay tuned.

Thank you.

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